/> a mother's heart » Blog Archive » opportunities and discernment

Part of this blog is talking about real life – and sometimes, real life is messy.  I’ve not been sleeping well lately, mostly due to my mind spinning at 1500 RPM in the middle of the night.

Mark had a phone interview last week that appears as though it’s going to land a face-to-face interview in the upcoming weeks.  Ordinarily, I might be jumping for joy over this, because my friends can attest that although I’m grateful he has a job in this economy, his company has been less-than-helpful and downright stingy with assets; but I find myself mulling over possibilities and wondering how it will turn out.

You see, the job is in the southwest.  Yeah.  This Michigan-born-and-bred girl living in the desert?  I would adapt, of course, but we talk, I think, we talk more, I think myself in circles more … and we have no real sense of direction.  God’s hand might be in this – it might be a means for negotiating a better salary here and staying put for a while longer.  Or it might mean that we have a new calling to live in a part of the country which neither of us has experience in (or affinity for).  We know we won’t be in Michigan forever – but in the past, we’ve always had a direct sense that our time in a given area is “up” and that “it’s time” to move on.  We don’t have that at this point, which makes it a little more confusing.  We all look for signposts on a road to indicate where we are – and most of us have a keen sense of where we’ve been and how patterns develop in our lives.  We tend to look for that sense of “it’s time” and an excitement or passion about a new area and see what God is up to.  So far, that sense just isn’t here.

I weigh our potential options (because, let’s face it – we don’t have an offer yet) and think about my desires – to live on less than we earn, to generously give away money to those who need it, etc. – and wonder if it’s appropriate for me to live someplace that seems counter-intuitive to my nature so that others can benefit from the extra funding we’ll earn.  Are my needs (for four seasons, being in my home state & near family) that important?  Can I put those needs on a shelf to support people who work in oppressed areas with oppressed people?  Is that a part of self-discipline and self-denial that I need to work on?

One thing we know we need is a boatload of discernment.  Because even if the offer that might come is desirable, is that really where we’re supposed to be?  We’ll be spending a good amount of time praying (and probably fasting) to make sure we don’t get ahead of God.  As one of my friends reminded me yesterday, “Just because an offer comes doesn’t mean it’s the right one to accept.”  She’s right.

I really do talk myself in circles – unfortunately, the middle of the night is the most common time for that to take place.  Right now, I’m trying to live one day at a time and walk out peace, contentment, and joy – because I have no idea what tomorrow holds, much less what next month holds for us.  But I do know Who holds the future – and I’ve found Him to be trustworthy.

Now I’ve really got to sort the co-op order and bake bread … on to the important things in my life. :)

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  • http://www.andanotherthing.typepad.com Betsie

    I’m praying about this too. I certainly don’t want you to leave, but that’s for purely selfish reasons :o) You’ll know what’s right in the the end. (((hugs)))
    .-= Betsie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday :: Big Boys =-.

  • http://www.mamasheartblog.com sue

    thanks, Bets. I really appreciate the support. :)