/> a mother's heart » Blog Archive » on the verge

…of tears, of happiness and joy, and of jumping off this cliff, so to speak.

Apparently, sleeping well isn’t something my body does when there are big days and changes up ahead. I woke up insanely early today (about 4:00am) and despite having crawled in at nearly 11:30pm last night, I wasn’t that tired. I convinced myself to get a few more moments of snoozing in, as we *do* have a bit of a drive today, but then I woke back up around 5:15am or so. And I’ve been up ever since.

I’m folding laundry, finishing some Christmas cards up, and pondering. And doing piddly things like changing addresses on my eBay account and leaving some online-groups that are specific to this area. Small things, but honestly, there’s nothing like small changes to make this oh-so-real.

We’ve been staying with dear friends while we have waited for this day–friends who have opened their hearts and home and I *know* when we have lunch together this afternoon, we’re going to cry like babies. Even though none of these goodbyes are “forever-goodbyes,” it’s still hard.

Case in point: we had dinner with our neighbors (well, former-neighbors, now) the other night. It was fun and we played hearts (shot the moon once, thankyouverymuch Dan!) and the kids watched a movie. When it was time to leave, our friends’ little boy (Jake, age 3) did what we all wanted to do and ended up doing–crying. He was so sad about Brendan leaving and who would be his friend now…and of course, that just set Ambera and me off–it’s not like we’ll never see them again, but when you share much of your life as neighbors, it’s hard to think about not being neighbors and starting a new adventure without them close by. Brendan held it together (shockingly so) until we got in the car, and the next morning he said, “This is way harder than I thought it would be, Mama.” 😥 Yes son, it is.

Even now, as I think about saying goodbye at church, I well up. We’ve worked with these people for a few years and been friends with most of them for much longer than that. And again, we’ll be back to visit and many of them will come up to see us. But it’s the break in the weekly joint-experiences that is hard.

And yet as I type this and blow my schnozz simultaneously, I realize that this adventure we’re on the verge of also has us excited beyond belief. Although we don’t know how it will look right now, we know Who does. And since He’s the One Who asked us to do this, we know that all things have already been provided and that our path will be straight. :)

Back to getting things together to pack in the car…maybe if I stay busy, I can stay ahead of the tears that want to come.

Nah…probably just wishful thinking..

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Category: life musings
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