/> a mother's heart » Blog Archive » bittersweet

And I’m not talking about 70% cacao chocolate, either.

We closed on the sale of our house today. And we are officially “homeless” right now, although we are staying with loving and gracious friends in Hooterville until Sunday. It’s a strange feeling, knowing that we officially don’t have a home, and yet feeling on the precipice of a big new adventure, excited about what it will look like and how it will pan out.

Brendan and I started the day at our local Meijer store, to pick up a few things, but also say our goodbyes over there. It sounds strange to say goodbye to a store and its employees, but we’ve been there every single week since it opened, and Brendan has been there with me since he was 3 weeks old. The employees have watched him grow, spoiled him rotten, and generally loved on him until he had hugs to spare. :) So relationships happen when life moves along, and the friendships and relationships we’ve built at the grocery store were worth honouring and saying farewell. And it was hard–Brendan was concerned that my eyes were sick, but I told him they were just leaking. 😉 It was so touching that these friends exchanged email addresses and phone numbers with us–it told me that it was far more than just an acquaintance at a store. 😥

And then I took Brendan back to the house so I could sweep out the garage. I ran out of time and steam yesterday, and so we did it today. And by “we,” I mean “me.” 😐 It was so cold that I swear to you my cheeks were holding frozen spit–I honestly couldn’t talk well because I couldn’t move or feel my cheeks. But once I was done with that, we walked through the empty house and Brendan said goodbye to each and every room and appliance. He was sad doing that, but I really thought it was good for his processing to have a formal goodbye and to not ignore his emotions about a place where he had been since birth. And it was sweet and touching at the same time.

Last night as we were done with the inside of the house, I wandered and remembered. Each room, when it was something else. When we’d built it. When we’d moved in, and when we’d brought Brendan home. When the study was the guest room, when Brendan’s room was the study. The house was empty–that was a given. But it was more than that–it was hollow. It was void of the laughter and love that characterized our home–the good scents from the candles and the homey feel we gave it. It was clean and it was still pretty, but it wasn’t home any longer. And I couldn’t help but reflect that it felt this way because our time there was up. It was time to be someone else’s home, someone else’s garden, someone else’s memories.

So yeah, I think bittersweet is an excellent descriptor for what I’m feeling. I’m a little sad and maudlin, a bit emotional, and happy and excited at the same time. It’s a strange place to be, but I’m content. :).

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Category: life musings
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  • Danielle

    I missed you on Monday when you came into Meijer. I had to take a vacation day to attend TRAFFIC SCHOOL!! We will keep in touch by email. For anyone reading this, I’m one of the employees who watched Brendan grow and spoiled him with hugs. My prayers that the rest of this journey goes smoothly for you and Mark and Brendan. I’ll miss you all, but I promise you that I’ll keep in touch.